I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
