Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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