if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
