Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The best revenge is premature balding
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Even my vagina gasped.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
