I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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