I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
