WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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