I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
