just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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