as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
