If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
