Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So squirting runs in the family.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
