what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
