Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
