Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
