he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
