I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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