If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
