Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
