my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize