She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
