I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Alive.
So much puke
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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