i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
