it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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