I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
