Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
