I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The Olympian is in my bed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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