I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
