I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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