I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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