You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
