I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
