you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
