Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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