On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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