: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
