I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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