i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
