I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
