shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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