Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Soap is not a condiment
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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