i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
