dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
not ubering you a puppy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
