I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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