Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
