operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
