Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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