She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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