You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize