In America we eat man semen.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have tasted many bathrooms
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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