Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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