I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Someone shit on the floor
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
