i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
