Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize