Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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