Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
