careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
