I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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