U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
