Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
