and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he laminated a picture of his dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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