If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
