i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is wine microwaveable?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
