Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
