when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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