What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
