i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
