you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
