Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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