We won't sleep together?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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