He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
