my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize